thoughts on comfort, limits, and elevators

I don't really think I have an "adventurous soul."  I tagged that on to the name of this blog before I left for Switzerland because I wanted to be trendy and hipstery...who was I kidding.  But I just read it at the top of this blog and I don't think it's true.  In fact, I think I have more of an "I like to stay at home where I'm comfortable and can wear sweat pants" kind of soul.  So I've been thinking of new tag-lines.

Journeys and Destinations:

         "struggles of the comfortable soul to get out of the house"

         "when being in my comfort zone beats being outside of it"

         "only for the sake of reaching the destination"

         "and a suitcase full of potential problems to worry about"

I'm probably exaggerating a little, because I don't hate adventure.  Sometimes I enjoy it.  But sometimes I worry about it.  I worry about random things that may or may not happen, I worry that I'll get trapped in an elevator somewhere, I worry that I'll run out of snacks and faint from hunger, I worry that someone near me will choke and I'll have to do the heimlich maneuver.  Seriously, these things run through my mind and most definitely raise my blood pressure when I'm in perfectly normal situations.  And in situations where there is any sort of increased risk, it's out of control.  I tend to dwell on "what-if" scenarios and I forget that I have lived for the past 21 years with relatively few catastrophes; that they're generally the exception and not the rule.  This is probably a deep insight into my personality, but I'm not sure what it means.   

Am I losing my sense of adventure?  Am I getting old?   Let's be real, I'm 21. And not generally the kind of person that shies away from experiencing new things or going new places or trying new foods.  So this anxiety thing is really tripping me up.  So far it's a mental game--if I'm going somewhere I've never been, or doing something I've never done before, I have to continually tell myself that it's fine until I calm down and start to believe myself.  Currently, this is a relevant issue because I just moved to a foreign country and there are a lot of new places and things.  But I don't want my experience of life here to be less full because of some irrational fears (i.e. I honestly think that mountain trains could fall off the mountain at any time and have no desire to ride in them, even though there are some of the best in the world in Switzerland).  

This is the un-glamorous side of me and transitions to new places and new people and new things.  Sometimes I'm afraid to push my limits, because I don't really know where my limits are, and what if I accidentally push too far?  It sounds really simple in my head and seems pretty basic, like it wouldn't be such a big deal, but I can't always reason my way through it.  And even if I do, my body still responds with stress...acne (seriously, come on.)...anxiety...carbohydrate consumption...etc.  So I'm helping myself get acclimated to experiencing new things by buying a different kind of chocolate every day.  Each day is an adventure, a challenge, an insecurity to overcome, a discovery, and an opportunity to thrive.            

This week will be a new test of limits because I'll be spending it in Morocco.  Here we go.